I've been back from university for a week and a half now for Christmas. I am so relieved to be at home but there have been many moments my anxiety-ridden head has threatened to ruin Christmas festivities.
My sleeping routine has got so much worse- to the extent of buying myself Valerian (herbal) tablets to help me relax before bedtime. They have been helping a bit- so I would definitely recommend them- however I am not sure they help with the a billion times I wake up during the night!
I've also found it extremely difficult that my family and friends at home have not seen the worst of my anxiety whilst I've been at uni for 11 weeks. They try and comfort me when I'm worried and upset with 'don't be silly', 'calm down' or 'its stupid to worry about that'.
Recently, after a long day of Christmas shopping in big crowds, socialising and using public transport, when I got home all I wanted to do was lie down in a dark room and sleep. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. However, my family did not understand this and thought it was selfish that I wouldn't want to watch a Christmas film with them.
I don't blame them though, anxiety is invisible to everyone apart from yourself.
I do think I've been brave though. I've been trying not to cancel on plans and still socialise with people. I'm not sure if its just because I feel a lot more comfortable in situations in Essex.
An app called Mind Shift has also been extremely helpful to me. It allows you to identify situations you get anxiety in, learn phrases to stop your brain from going into overload and also techniques that could help you overcome your fears. My panic attacks have been a lot easier to deal with because of this.
Now its Christmas in 2 days, and I know I'll have a great time with some anxiety mixed in. But I'll make it through and the anxiety moments won't be the memorable ones.
Because I LOVE CHRISTMAS.
