New Years Resolutions

I never normally set myself goals at the beginning of a year. This year felt different; I feel a few goals could help me feel like myself again and get me through the rest of my time at University.

I have tried to be realistic, but these goals are still big steps for me at the moment because of my anxiety.

So here goes:

1. Build and continue my skincare routine-

I started doing this before Christmas, however going home confused my routine and I have slacked a bit recently. I want to buy some more high-end products and really look after my skin. It makes me feel more confident and my make-up looks a lot better on moisturised skin. But most of all having routine parts of my day really help with my anxiety, as its unfamiliar things that stress me out so a bit of structure comforts me. Liz earle is the dream.

2. Look after my lips-

I get SO annoyed when my lipstick looks rubbish because I have ridiculously dry lips. I know part of this is because I don't drink enough water, so I should probably add that to the list. But I also want to use lip scrubs, buy a lip primer and always have a lip balm with me. Any recommendations for anything else I could do will be much appreciated?

3. Build my social media platforms-

I have been quiet on social media recently, this is due to losing my confidence completely. I've been feeling like no-one would care about pictures I post or my opinions. This is all part of my anxiety trying to convince me to go and sit quietly in a corner and never speak again. However, I LOVE looking on social media and the people I follow give me motivation. If I can be accepted on social media, then I can in real life too.

I want an Instagram theme please

4. Practice Mindfulness-

This is something my counsellor has suggested a do a few times a day, to help my mind relax. It should then train my brain to be able to calm down when something is stressing me out. However, I am rubbish at setting out time to do it. For Christmas my sister and best friend got me mindfulness colouring books. I have loved them so far, and it is so relaxing to do before bed time. A friend also suggested I practice mindfulness whilst brushing my teeth or making cups of coffee (I am aware coffee is awful for anxiety...but its university exam time, please forgive me?)

Millie Mackintosh has this book...eek.

5. Make plans/ don't get lonely

At university I get very lonely. As I am a year behind my home friends academically, I get very envious that they are all busy in jobs and social lives like I was last year. I need to make plans to go home more regularly, walk into town for some window shopping, make an effort to attend choir more and make exciting plans to give me something to look forward to. When I sit alone, I just drown in my own thoughts. I need to give myself positive things to focus on. Soon I should have something VERY exciting to look forward to...hint below..

6. Eat more vegetables/fruit

I've had stomach problems in the past where they ended up giving me stomach ulcer tablets to sort out the pain. However, I haven't learnt from this awful time. I still have the worst diet, and occasionally bad stomach aches. I eat a lot of acidic and fatty foods. My aim is to slowly introduce more vegetables and fruit into my diet. This will include going shopping more as well, as my main excuse has always been food going out of date.

I don't eat half of these at the moment...promising.

7. Let my interest in beauty and and lifestyle develop

I've finally found something I'm really interested in, so I'm really keen to see where it takes me. I want to buy more make-up, try more brands, improve my lifestyle and redecorate my room at home. These things make me really happy, so its definitely worth making them my focus. And of course, all of this will feature on my blog.

Charlotte Tilbury lipstick is next on my list.

Happy New Year to all my readers, hope 2016 is fabulous for you all!

Christmas Festivities and Anxiety

I've been back from university for a week and a half now for Christmas. I am so relieved to be at home but there have been many moments my anxiety-ridden head has threatened to ruin Christmas festivities.

My sleeping routine has got so much worse- to the extent of buying myself Valerian (herbal) tablets to help me relax before bedtime. They have been helping a bit- so I would definitely recommend them- however I am not sure they help with the a billion times I wake up during the night!

I've also found it extremely difficult that my family and friends at home have not seen the worst of my anxiety whilst I've been at uni for 11 weeks. They try and comfort me when I'm worried and upset with 'don't be silly', 'calm down' or 'its stupid to worry about that'. 

Recently, after a long day of Christmas shopping in big crowds, socialising and using public transport, when I got home all I wanted to do was lie down in a dark room and sleep. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. However, my family did not understand this and thought it was selfish that I wouldn't want to watch a Christmas film with them.

I don't blame them though, anxiety is invisible to everyone apart from yourself.

I do think I've been brave though. I've been trying not to cancel on plans and still socialise with people. I'm not sure if its just because I feel a lot more comfortable in situations in Essex.

An app called Mind Shift has also been extremely helpful to me. It allows you to identify situations you get anxiety in, learn phrases to stop your brain from going into overload and also techniques that could help you overcome your fears. My panic attacks have been a lot easier to deal with because of this. 

Now its Christmas in 2 days, and I know I'll have a great time with some anxiety mixed in. But I'll make it through and the anxiety moments won't be the memorable ones.

Because I LOVE CHRISTMAS.